Mirandas Day Out

The epidural was working very well, but Christina still wasn’t dilated enough. They put her on pitocin as well to try to make it happen. Now the stack of tubes by the side of her bed was getting pretty convoluted.
It did manage to speed up her contractions. She started getting more and more of them until they were happening every two minutes. And lasting almost that long, too. The epidural wasn’t working as well anymore, but it was keeping her comfortable enough to get through it.
After a couple more hours of that, Christina still wasn’t dilating. The babys heart rate was all over the place, and apparently she had pooped in there too.
At 2pm, the doctor decided it was time to go with a C-section. I almost laughed when I saw him trying to break that news to Christina as gently as he could. I knew it was pretty much what she wanted before it even started. At the end of his long speech she just said: “Uh, so what does that mean?”. Then someone said “He wants to do a C-section”. And then she said something like “Great, can we start right now?”
It all went pretty fast from there. Next thing I knew, I was wearing scrubs and Christina was getting wheeled off to the operating room. The Doctors were arguing over whether to play more Michael Jackson music or switch to something else. Then they cracked a few jokes to get their morale up and started slicing.

Look over the curtain at your own risk...

Look over the curtain at your own risk...

*** READ FURTHER AT YOUR OWN RISK ***

That went by even faster. Within 2 minutes there was a bloody grey baby head being tugged out of Christinas belly, and the anesthesist had me stand up and look at it happen. The same guy who had me sit down when he was giving Christina the epidural because he didn’t want me passing out. Go figure. Anyway, I know where they got the inspiration for the monster baby mutant in Total Recall, now. Except this was way worse.
Less than 5 minutes into the operation the baby was out and went to a separate table, and they took me there. Nurses were poking and prodding at Miranda as she turned from grey to pink. It was all a blur. Christina was a bloody mess but I guess that’s what surgery looks like. I could see it all from where I was, so I kept one of the nurses between me and the worst of it to avoid seeing too much. I remember them needing 3 hands to shove a giant purple balloon thing back into Christina. I found out later that was the uterus. They weren’t cracking jokes anymore, and the music had moved on to Pink Floyd, “Comfortably Numb”. I thought that was ironic.
The baby was keeping most of my attention off of the surgery, and eventually I caught a glimpse of them stitching Christina up and I figured that must be going fine over there. Then it was on to messing with an entire baggy of blood that had come out of Christina. They were all covered in it. Meanwhile poor Miranda had tubes stuck down her nose to suck out the amniotic fluid, I got to cut one inch off her umbilical cord while a nurse took a completely blurry photo, and they stuck a baby lojack on her. Hi-tech stuff.

Welcome to earth. First, we'll start with some torture.

Welcome to earth. First, we'll start with some torture.

*** OK ITS SAFE TO READ AGAIN ***

Miranda and Christina got wheeled back to the recovery room, and they both kept zoning out every few minutes, so they were pretty easy to keep comfortable. It’s completely true what they say about that moment. It changes your life. I was a dad and I loved that little larva baby and I was going to take care of her and nothing else in the world was really all that important anymore.

Dad and Baby

Dad and Baby

One Response to “Mirandas Day Out”

  1. Rachel says:

    That was beautiful, Eric. Thanks for sharing.